Sanctified

Well, actually I've been sanctioned but it's nearly spelled the same. And why can't I believe that this has all happened for a larger purpose? I have agreed to a 2 year sanction from cycling today. Ouch, that hurt my gut. Even when my friends and family know that I am not a cheat, it still hurts to write this and it really hurt to send that fax today. However, I believe this to be my best course of action and I'll try to explain why. Nothing has really changed: I will still continue to have testing done to try and figure out how this all happened in the first place and I still won't be racing. The only difference is that by accepting this sanction, I may actually gain a little credibility with USADA. I really am trying to work with them so we can make sure this doesn't happen again. And if I can walk away from racing forever, maybe people will be more willing to listen when they know I have nothing to gain personally. I'm not lobbying for change to save my own career, I'm lobbying for change to save the next clean athlete's career. In the meantime, I may actually be able to move on with my life and start this next chapter that I've talked about.
So, I guess there will be some sort of press release from USADA announcing my acceptance of the sanction. Then I can only assume there will be much back-slapping and smiles all around as another doper has been purged from sport. Ugh. This anti-doping system in place is....how can we be diplomatic here?...needing serious reform.
Hang with me here, folks. I'm trying my best. I'm not turning my back on cycling and I'm not giving up. As my new friend Sarai pointed out, "Cycling can save the world!" So I guess I can suck it up and help make it better.

Meet Bear Peak

This is Bear Peak taken about 20m from my doorstep. Bear Peak and I have a special relationship. Bear Peak has helped me cope through some of this drama that I've experienced these last 4 months. Heading up to the summit (8400 ft above sea level - so about 2800ft gain) is hard enough to purge all the crummy feelings that I may be having and allow me to feel a little closer to nature. And no matter how many times I get to the top, I feel like I accomplished something because there's no easy way up there. Plus, the views on a clear day can't be beat.
This is Longs Peak from the top of Bear Peak. At 14,259 ft above sea level, it's the closest 14,000+ ft peak to Boulder. It's an incredible mountain to hike. It has so much character and is my favorite of the 10 or so 14ers I've climbed.






This is Boulder from the top of Bear. In an attempt to include the CU campus (red brick roofs in the middle-left of the pic), I cut out our house which is just a little bit to the right of lower right quadrant.






This is Green Mountain (also a great hike) from the top of Bear Pk. You can also see where the foothills meet the plains in the background.


Anyway, I just wanted to share one of the many features in this area that have helped keep me happy (and sane). Also, because I need a competitive outlet these days, a couple of months ago I raced myself to the top and down from my house in 1:21:30 (50 min. up, 31 min. down). That was in snowpack so it was a little slower going up but really fast and out of control at times sliding down! I'd like to see how that compares to the fastest times ever done, so if any of you locals know some ascent times of Bear, Green, and/or Sanitas - let me know if you get a chance. Thanks!

No leads on the job front yet, but I've had a couple of chats with Mr. Tygart from USADA since announcing that I was no longer going to play the game. They've been potentially productive chats and I've been trying to give them the benefit of the doubt now. After all, they are the good guys right? I've just been trying to convince them that it's in their best interests to help me find out (or allow me access to find out) how this positive test happened. But it takes a lot of trust on their part, I guess. Can't they just see things my way? :)
Also, in a show of my personal recovery of sorts, I was excited to hear that DirecTV will be adding Vs. again to their channel lineup. That means I'll be able to watch the Classics this spring. I'm pretty excited. I guess I'm still a fan of this cycling thing.

Transitions

Hello,
things are going well with me. I'm feeling good about my renewed outlook and I've started the job hunt. I appreciated the heartfelt comments regarding my last post. I'm entering a challenging, exciting, and scary new chapter of my life and it's nice to know that I want be doing it alone.
We had a fun party at our house last weekend to mark the transition in our lives. See if you can guess the theme by the pictures.
We had wine...











We had cookies...












We had a nice spread all-around.











And I've been rock climbing quite a bit as well. Joel and Rand took me outdoors for the third time ever yesterday and I had a blast. We climbed Castle Rock up Boulder Canyon and I did my first ever rappel. It was the scariest part of the day for me. Of course my first time rappelling we do a full 60m (2 ropes tied together) in the snow, but even by the end I was feeling much more comfortable.
That's a big rock! See me up there? This was my "oh shit" moment of the day.











I'm not sure if the smile is because of the thrill or because I'm almost at the ground.
















JoJo had a Birthday a couple weeks ago!










And because I'm very goal oriented and I always have to be targeting something - I've found something new to train for. This is what Davy Mac and I are shooting for at the 2014 Sochi Games!

Semblance of Control

I'm tired of having my destiny in someone else's hands. But today is a different day. Today is the day I take back the reins. However, today is not yesterday...yesterday was the day I was to cut all ties completely. Today, I have a slightly cooler head but the idea is the same. You can thank Rebecca for this 'resignation' letter not going out yesterday:

“Done.
I officially received a 2 year sanction notification from USADA today. No big surprise, right? I alluded to this weeks ago. But my reaction is a surprise. Call it the straw that broke the camel's back – I don't know. Whatever the trigger, I've decided to walk away from the sport. I haven't talked to the friends and family or anyone else about this. Call it a rash decision if you like, but I'll try to explain my reasoning so that you can understand where I'm coming from.
I've been watching the Olympics these last few days and it has been really inspiring for me. For the first time, I can see myself standing on the podium, bowing my head to receive my medal. This is a breakthrough for me. It helped me affirm to myself that I need to come back from this ordeal and rise to the top and accomplish greater things in the sport of cycling. Today, I started asking “Why?”. Why do I 'need' to come back? Well, because I've felt this burning in my gut these last two weeks, propelling me to work harder and become faster than I ever have before. Okay, but that doesn't answer the question, I can do that without racing. Maybe it's because I've grown accustomed to the cycling spotlight and people looking up to me. Maybe it's because I want to show all these doubters just how strong I am. Maybe it's because I want to continue to live the 'pro' lifestyle. I think we're getting to the crux of the reason for a comeback now. But what am I truly after in this life? Asking myself this question today the answer was “to be extraordinary”. I want nothing to do with mediocrity. But on top of that (and what I've lost sight of in the last few years), I want to improve the world. Yes, I am a naïve, 30-something dreamer, but I want to help save the world. And I always said that I would use cycling to amass influence and monies and then put myself to good use in helping my causes of choice (like a certain Texan who is a Saint in the cancer community). But the reality is, cycling and racing so consume me that I have little time or energy for anything beyond myself. My first year out of college, I made $28k working at a chemistry lab in Boulder. During that year, I managed to work 40 hrs/week, train between 70-100 miles/week running (which led to a 2:31:40 marathon), buy a new car for my mom, and give around $1000 to various charities. A few years later, when I decided to put everything I had into becoming a pro cyclist, I worked around 25 hrs/week delivering pizzas, trained around 20 hrs/week cycling, and volunteered at the homeless shelter twice a week because I was barely making ends meet and couldn't donate money. For comparison, last year I made more money than I ever have in my life, had no other job than racing my bike 70 or so times during the year, and still only gave maybe $300 to charities over the course of the year and sometimes went months between contacting the teenage boy whom I'm mentoring. What's extraordinary in that? What's more extraordinary – if Greg Mortenson would have made it to the summit of K2 or if Greg Mortenson failed to summit K2 and instead dedicated his life to building hundreds of schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan? I'd say the latter. What's more extraordinary – Eric Heiden the amazing skater and cyclist or Eric Heiden the amazing surgeon? How about Davis Phinney the cyclist or Davis Phinney the Parkinson's crusader? I've come to the realization that I would rather be a David Benke than a Cancellara. I would rather help the boy I'm mentoring graduate from college and break the cycle of poverty in his family than win a Pro Tour TT. To me, the life I'm choosing from this day on is more challenging and potentially rewarding than the life of training to ride in a straight line really fast for 40 minutes. For whatever reason, I haven't been able to do both so it's time to step back and re-prioritize.
And no, I would never have come to this decision without this positive doping test fiasco. So, maybe there's the good out of this situation. Am I giving up? In a way, I'd say I was giving up on my dream while being a pro cyclist. I was so self-absorbed that I did little good with life beyond my self.
And so that's that. It's been fun. I'm taking so many wonderful memories and relationships from the last 6 years with me. And now that I'm done with all of this, I want you to hear the truth once and for all. Come in close so I can whisper.....I didn't dope.”

Today, I laid all my cards on the table for USADA. I told them everything that I know about the positive test, meaning every possible lead as to how it happened, and that I will cooperate in any way that I can. As great as my lawyer has been for me, I told him that I needed to do this on my own from now on. I have no intention of taking this case to a hearing. Now that I've made the determination that I really could and would walk away from the sport forever, it's liberating. USADA, WADA, and the UCI no longer have power over me. But I will continue to jump through a few hoops (if not too high nor on fire) in order to leave the option open for a return in years to come (though I sort of hope I have the courage to begin a completely new career and never look back). I will continue to try and figure out how this happened so that I know for my own sanity and so it won't happen to someone else, but that is a separate issue. I'm ready to turn the page and start living a better, more fulfilling life. Whether or not bicycle racing is in that future is too foggy to tell. I hope you all can understand why I've chosen this road. It feels so good to be out of the holding pattern.
Okay, I gotta go. I have some jobs to apply for!

My First Bicycle Race

No updates on what's going on with my case so I want to tell a story for diversion and entertainment purposes.
In Feb. 2003, I bought my first road bike. It was a Fuji Roubaix, triple chainring, white, blue and orange - a real beaut. I bought it because I had injured my knee the previous fall while racing a marathon and couldn't run more than 40mi/week without pain. So basically, I bought it to cross train. Truth be told, my co-workers at the chemistry lab never stopped talking about bike racing and it piqued my interest. (I had also watched the '02 Vuelta and got caught up in the drama). I remember my second ride I went up Linden Dr. (a short but fairly steep road in Boulder that leads to the foothills). That was the first time I had to dismount my bike and walk up a hill (remember I had a triple chainring!). Humbling. But I kept riding - 5 miles to work and back each day plus a longer ride on the weekend and maybe an extra ride after work (plus 40mi/week running). It started to grow on me. However, I made it clear to myself that this was temporary while my knee healed and I could get back to 100+ mi/week of running. Buuuut, I decided to enter a race on Memorial Day for "fun". My boss was racing and I had never been to Durango so my friend and I decided to go camp for the weekend. The race was on Sunday so Jen and I drove the 5-6 hours to Durango on Sat., got there just before dark, decided to splurge and rent a KOA site for the amenities (hot water, indoor plumbing), and got up at the crack of dawn on Sun. to go do a bike race.
So there I was on the start line of the 2003 Iron Horse Classic as a cat. IV/V. I knew that the race covered two large passes to Silverton. So that meant two big climbs and two big descents. My ensemble: black chamois with no bibs, a white t-shirt from a running race, and I thought it might be cold so I wrapped a wind jacket around my waist for the descents. Oh, and I put a Snickers bar in the pocket of the jacket for fuel. When the race started, of course I was scared shitless to be riding so close to so many people, but once I settled down I remembered that my Boss Shane had explained to me the benefits of riding in the pack and conserving energy rather than sitting on the front and letting others draft. I did that for as long as I could but once we started going uphill, I remember thinking "This is stupid. We're going too slow. This is a race isn't it?" You have to remember the mindset of a runner. We go hard ALL THE TIME. There is no free wheeling in running. So I went to front and went hard. This was not an attack, mind you, this was me trying to get a workout. I pulled for probably 10 min. when I decided that I was hungry. So, I drifted back as I fumbled with my jacket trying to extract the high-performance energy bar we call Snickers. As I was 'refueling', I was at the back of what was maybe 10 guys left in the lead group. The pace started to lag again and so when I was finished stuffing my face, I resumed my role as pace setter. As we neared the summit of the first pass (maybe 2mi out), I really started to give it my all to get a gap on the field. I remember when I really started to push it that only one person could hang with me. He held on for quite awhile but with maybe 800m to go to the summit, I was able to gap him and crest solo. So now I had a descent, climb, then descent to go to the finish. "i can do this" I said to myself so I went about descending as fast as I could on a windy descent that I'd never seen before while only being on my bike a total of 3 months. In other words: slow. Also, to make things interesting, the wind caused my eyes to dry out and I blinked out one of my contacts! I am near-sighted and though not blind - my contacts tend to really help me see. I started to freak out a bit and sure enough was caught by 3 guys before the end of the descent. "Well if I'm going to win this one, I'm going to have to have a huge gap by the top of this last climb." So as soon as we started going up, I started going as hard as I could. Again, it was down to me and this same other guy battling it out on the climb. About midway up, after everyone else is out of sight, he looks me up and down and asks "Dude, what's your deal?" "I'm an injured runner" is all I replied. Then he said "I think we've got them" while looking behind us. I remember thinking "We?". I may have been new to bike racing but I'd been racing in running since age 11 and all I knew is that I wanted to win this race. I wasn't there to make friends nor cross the line together with someone else. So, I did the only thing I could do - I picked up the pace. I turned myself inside out to drop this guy and give myself as big a buffer as possible coming over the top. Finally, he started to fade back and I just kept pushing and pushing until I reached the crest. On the descent, I rode with reckless abandon (still slow) taking turns way faster than my comfort zone. And then early on the descent, what do you know but I blink out my other contact! I'm riding in a blur! "I should stop. I should stop. This is stupid!" But sometimes the competitive drive trumps the brain so I carried on. And somehow I didn't crash and somehow I didn't get caught. I 'broke the tape' in my very first bike race. Did I celebrate? Hell no - my adrenalin was so tapped from feeling like I was on the verge of death on that descent and my legs were screaming at me so loudly that all I wanted to do was get off that stupid machine and lay down on the safe, stable earth.
The guy who pushed me so hard on the climbs finished 2nd. Turns out he is a pretty good guy and a decent rider too. I saw him at a few other races and we chatted from time to time. We were even teammates in 2005. We drove down to New Mexico together to compete in what became my very first Pro/1/2 victory - The Sandia Crest. We shared intimate conversations on life, and how cycling fits in the equation. He became my 'spiritual advisor' to give me perspective with life and cycling. When I signed my first pro contract with Priority Health in 2006, he was the one I called to say "We can do this. This is not an abstract dream, this can be our reality." In 2007, he signed his first professional racing contract with BMC. Since then, we have been there for each other - taking pleasure in the other's successes and picking each other up when we falter. The racing careers of Scott Nydam and myself have taken a very similar trajectory, including our recent rough patches. I'm not sure if I'll ever compete in a bike race again, but I'm becoming okay with that. One thing that Scott has taught me is that a sport cannot encapsulate us. We are too complex to be defined by one thing.
This post wasn't meant to be much more than entertainment. I was riding the other day and was having trouble with one of my contacts and so I naturally started thinking about the Iron Horse with fond memories. And then I started to think about how lucky I am to have Scott as a friend and 'advisor'.
Scott and I drove the 1100+ miles to the 2006 Cascade Cycling Classic in the beat up Corolla behind us. He won the Climber's Jersey and I won stage 2.

Status

I write this post armed with a big bowl of ice cream and the Hustle & Flow soundtrack blaring:
As expected (though hope plays funny games with your mind), the 'B' sample of my urine has come back confirming the presence of an exogenous anabolic in my system from the Aug. 29, 2009 test. I expect USADA to come back with a 2 year sanction any day now but I'm tired of waiting for them so I decided to let everyone know what's going on. There will probably be a hearing in a few months whereas I will proclaim my innocence. We all know the drill! How many times have we been through this with this sport? I even secured one of those lawyer fellas to help me through this. We are still attempting to figure out how this happened and I'm optimistic that we'll have an answer in time for the hearing.
I'm sorry that this is more negative press for the sport of cycling, but that is the least of my worries right now. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to share encouraging and supportive words to me. "Keep hustlin'. it ain't over for me. no, it ain't over for me. keep flowin'. i'm gonna step my game up and get what's comin' to me." I love it - that's what playing on the iTunes right now. I guess I should come back from this?
Remember to keep perspective.

drug of choice?

I did a phone interview with Lyne Lamoureux yesterday for her website podiuminsight.com and I wanted to share an exchange we had that I kept laughing about the rest of the day but I was assured wouldn't make the article.
This came after the recorded interview:
Lyne: so how are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself?
me: Yeah, mentally I'm doing pretty well. I'm doing what I need to do to get through this. But physically....sheesh, it's getting pretty bad. I think Jan Ulrich and I have a lot in common.
Lyne: Woah, careful there. That could be taken the wrong way. (laughs)
me: Ha! No, you know I mean...
Lyne: Yes, you mean you both like your donuts and schnitzel, right?
me: Yeah, I think Jan and I both like the schnitzel. (Pause) Whoa. Crap, that could be taken the wrong way too! You stopped recording right?

mi bicicleta or mi muerte

I have a t-shirt that says this on it. It has a picture of a phat cruiser bike with long handlebars ("Easy Rider" style) that is popular in some Mexican cultures. I'd have to say that in light of my current situation - I'm bluffing. I love the sport of cycling and more specifically I love racing my bike. But if that is taken away from me, I'm not going to give up on life or play the victim. Life is too full of OTHER cool and exciting things that I can dive into head first. It's also far too short to dwell in the past and be miserable. Typing these words is much easier than putting their message into practice but I'm confident that if it comes to that, I can do it...with the continued support of my kick ass network of friends and family.
On a lighter note, I also have a t-shirt that says "cycling is dope" which I still think is a great shirt. So great, in fact, that I wore it to the opening and testing of the 'B' sample in Utah. Bad form? I thought it was funny, and I'm in need of laughs these days.
Thank you to all of you who have shown your support through emails, calls, texts, and comments on this blog. It means the world to me. And to those of you who think I'm a lying cheat, I can't say that I blame you really. It was always my first reaction to news of another positive test. But hopefully we can find and prove the truth in the coming days, weeks, months. Oh, and there was a comment deleted on my last post after the press release that I can only assume was really nasty with f-bombs and such because I never even got a chance to read it - it must have been flagged and deleted by the server. Thanks blogger.com!
Happy New Year everyone.

You know it's offseason when...

...45 min. into a road ride you look down and see a spiderweb that spans your handlebars. True story, that happened to me yesterday. It was wasn't even my first road ride back...it was like the third or so.
You also know it's offseason when you travel for something other than bike racing. Rebecca and I took a little holiday to Peru last week. Peru is an incredibly cool country. It is so diverse in culture, ecosystems, and landscape. We spent time in Lima on the coast, Cuzco and Machu Picchu next to the Andes, and Puerto Maldonado in the rain forest. Machu Picchu definitely lives up to the hype. Yes, there are tons of stinkin tourists ;-) but it is well worth the hassle to see such a beautiful area and see for yourself how amazing the Incas were. And where we stayed in the jungle, it was about as untouched from development as I've seen. We saw a lot of monkeys (3 different species) and several big tarantulas among other wildlife. It was the first time I'd slept in mosquito nets and I was glad we had them after seeing the giant cockroaches roaming around our room after dark!
In other big-time news, I am now a proud (part) homeowner of a place in Boulder. Pretty sweet, not gonna lie. Moving always sucks, but the grunt work is over and the only thing left is unpacking boxes and finding a place for everything – no small task.
I've started riding my bicycle again. Splitting time between road riding, cx rides, and hiking/running. If I had to race in one of 3 tomorrow, I think I'd be faster hiking up a mountain, but that's okay. I may enter a cyclocross race this weekend or next. They really should let me enter the cat. IV race (and still get slaughtered but not by as much) but they won't. Oh well, it's good for me to get walloped from time to time. That's what I'll be telling myself next year too. :-)
Happy Autumn!

Update - still lazy

Here are a couple of Worlds pics:
Hour 3 on the "Hot Seat". Exciting yet extremely tedious. Sitting in the same seat, in the chamois I warmed up in, watching a time trial on a little monitor for 3 hours while my legs throbbed. But an awesome experience!



My Belgian body guard Chris "The Fox" to keep the Tifosi at bay. Don't piss him off or...he'll make you cry on the massage table!



I'm still taking it easy here in Boulder. I'm starting the slow process of getting hiking fit again. I went on a 2mi run the other day and felt like I did after a half marathon in my running days. A little pathetic actually. I've said it before but the longer I race my bike, the worse I am at EVERYTHING else. Tho just because my girlfriend can do more push-ups than me doesn't make me any less of a person.

Also, there is snow on my deck. Too early for snow - take it back.

Dunski

I'm at home now in day 3 of offseason and loving every moment. I walked up and down a flight of stairs like 5 times throughout the day yesterday so that was pretty taxing. The hard thing about offseason is that I sometimes forget to shower because I'm not working out. It's tough. And how much coffee is too much? At what point does it become obsessive and where I probably need an Intervention?
Anyway, Worlds was fun. It's nice to go into a race with low pressure, modest expectations and surprise myself. Of course, that can only happen once because the next time I go will expect a medal from myself, but I enjoyed this experience and I'm not dwelling on the fact that I was relatively close to earning hardware. (Or am I?)
And to the family of the bee who stung me during the 2nd lap of the race: Your brother suffered a horrible death and the anger he induced only made me go faster. And sorry about my appearance while crossing the finish line. They should have had a warning of some sort for children and sensitive viewers.
So, thanks for following Bissell and myself along this season and for all the positive vibes and encouraging messages throughout. I may actually (I can't believe I'm saying this) have to start Facebook or Twitter or some crap in order to better stay connected to friends and family next year while over the pond. Ugh.

update

We have a Gold! I use the term "we" loosely.
And...
Just think of how much faster I'll be thanks to Tejay using my head as a platform to express his artistic voice. (sorry HB)

Mendrisio

So I got into Switzerland a few days early for the World Champs TT on Sun. The race is on Thurs. so the idea was to get settled and used to the time difference. However, I had a tight connection in Atlanta en route to Milan, Italy which was made even tighter by a 15 min. delay that resulted in me sprinting through the terminals in Atlanta in order to make my flight. Well, I made it - in no small part due to my extensive running background - but my bag and bike did not. We had to go back to the airport the next day (mon.) and retrieve my belongings. Do you suppose that I'll get any of the $300 dollars I paid to Delta to transport my bike??? BTW, if you have a choice - don't fly Delta. $300 each way for traveling w/ a bike internationally is a bit excessive I'd say. I think they deserve a boycott. Anyway, back to positives - the hotel and area that we are staying in Switzerland is AMAZING! It is so beautiful that my vocabulary is not sufficient to describe it. We are on a lake (lago di lugano) that is surrounded by mountains and small swiss townships. Except we are also next to this little area of land that is owned by Italy (Campione). It is quite the area and the hotel we are staying at is pretty cool too. It's not super fancy but the real estate, service and food are all top notch.
Oh and about the race: I've ridden the course 4 times so far. It's pretty straight forward - very few turns that require thought and/or brakes. It's got one little ring climb in it (but we do 3 laps) and a couple of fast corners but otherwise you can get into a pretty good rhythem. Today is the first day I've felt good so I'm starting to get excited. The weather has been picturesque so far but there could always be rain in this area. And I rode the road course as well and I have to say I'm a little relieved I'm not doing it. It's a 15k circuit with punchy climbs and single-file narrow, windy descents through town. Very good for Bizarro-Zirbel. Okay gotta go. Ciao.
the view from the our hotel


also taken from the hotel, that little town is Lugano

this is the view from the other side of the lake. In the lower right somewhere is the hotel we're staying at. And it's not hazy, the crummy cameraman just doesn't know how to reduce glare.

And here is the entrance to Campione, 2 sq miles of Italy surrounded by Switzerland which is also right outside our hotel (we're on the swiss side).

And this is a Swiss slug making its way across cobbles. It's hard being a slug.

50k to go

Tour of Missouri is over and done with. And as easy as the first 4 days were - the last 3 days were brutally hard. Bissell had a good tour, finishing 4th on GC and 2nd in the team's classification. A podium in GC would have been nice, but let's put it in perspective: the bus that Columbia-HTC drives around probably costs more than our entire team budget. I am proud of the way our guys rode last week. It was a great way to end the season and a good last race for me donning the Bissell colors.
I just found out on Monday that I have 49.8km left to do this season. And I'll be doing it in Mendrisio, Switzerland wearing a USA skinsuit against the best in the world. Pretty exciting. I'm hoping that I can represent well and justify my nomination.
We had a mini Clear Lake High School reunion in Missouri this week. In all, I had 9 friends and family who made the trek from Iowa for the race. Thank you! pic courtesy of Jody - who may just get the nod as the #1 Superfan. ;-)

Today's Lesson

No matter how hard you're going, always keep your eyes up when you're sprinting. The lesson occurs around 8 min. into the video.

The 2nd step...

...of the podium
2nd - Nature Valley GC
2nd - USPro TT
3rd - Fitchburg-Longsjo GC
2nd - Redlands Classic GC
7th - Tour of California St. 5 TT
2nd - Tour de San Luis st. 3 TT
3rd - Tour of Elk Grove GC
2nd - Tour of the Gila st.3 TT
2nd - KOM at Philly
10th - Tour of Utah Prologue

It was difficult to write down these results and it's difficult to look at them. My top 10 failures and shortcomings racing this year are there for everyone to see. The top 3 particularly evoke a sick feeling in my stomach just looking at them. After each one of those first 3 results listed, I remember thinking how teaching high school chemistry or working in a research lab wouldn't (COULDN'T) possibly be as painful as what I was feeling at the time. All that I knew is that I never wanted to feel like that again - and the safest way (so the logic in my head goes) is to find a new line of work. Of course, it doesn't take long to come to my senses and remember that I'm living my dream job and there's no way that I could willingly give it up. So the only choice is to work harder, learn from my mistakes, and make sure it doesn't happen again....but it will. I will always have soul-crushing disappointments in this sport as long as I'm racing at this level. The trick is to let them go. This year has been a lesson in recovering from failures. People may look at my season and see the (apparent) Individual NRC title, all the TT wins, all the GC podiums and say it was a dream season. I will look back at this season and remember how I let my team down by losing the GC lead on the last day in dramatic fashion in both the Nature Valley GP and the Fitchburg-Longsjo Classic. I'll remember how it wasn't me pulling on the stars and stripes jersey on the podium after the USPro TT. I'll remember how I had to ship off 8-10 leader's jerseys to different family, friends, and sponsors because I couldn't stand the sight of them and didn't want them in my house as none of them were from the last day of the race.
This is not to say that I dwell on the negative. I'll certainly remember the moments on the top step as well. I'll keep in mind that since turning pro, my final NRC placings have been: 2006 - 47th, 2007 - 104th, 2008 - 54th. And looking back, I'll be proud of how Bissell came together throughout the year and scrapped for every point possible to earn the Individual NRC title by a mere 7 points! Because let's be honest, what is more indicative of a "Team" title? Is it the Teams classification where you score the most points by placing 3rd, 5th, and 6th rather than just 1st? Or is it the individual standings where the entire team sacrifices their races for 1 person's placing? I believe it's the latter. That's why I am so happy that Bissell was rewarded with the #1 spot in the Individual NRC standings. I time trialed well, but the team slayed themselves for my podium finishes. Without that commitment and sacrifice, I'd currently be 3rd at best in the standings. I believe that WE (the riders, staff, and sponsors) deserve that title.
So, I'm planning on using all these rollercoaster experiences to help me keep an even keel during next year's adventures and challenges. Because some may think the stakes go up next year racing at a higher level, but I don't believe that to be true. You can be just as exhilerated (or devastated) by a small local race with 18 starters and a few parents and girlfriends watching as you can by a prestigious NRC race with deafening crowd noise. It all depends on INTERNAL drive, motivation, and goal setting and has very little to do with the number of fans present, prize money, or number of countries providing live video streaming.
BUT FIRST!!! We have unfinished business at the Tour of Missouri next week where last year I learned some valuble lessons about being a pro. In last year's edition, I was so cracked mentally and physically from the season that my attitude was a joke and when I found myself as the only GC guy on the team after getting in the decisive break, I fell apart in the last 3 stages and went from 6th to like 15th because of stupid mistakes and general unprofessionalism. Moral of the story: SUCK IT UP PANSY-BOY!!! And ride like you're capable no matter how much you hate your bike at the time.
FTR: I do not currently hate my bike and am looking forward to smashing some stinky Euro-trash next week. :)
Sorry for the length (of course it's your choice to read my heartfelt ramblings, not mine) but it's an emotional day for me. I've already had 20 or so congratulatory emails, calls, and texts today. Oh, and I peed in a cup for some USADA reps this morning too after we watched the end of the Vuelta stage. They come over to visit so often that we're on a first name basis. All this before noon - Big day!

Yeah, yeah

It's been awhile, I know. But as the season gets longer and longer - I find less and less energy to post blog updates. Too busy? No. Laziness? Absolutely. There's been quite a bit of racing since Cascade where we got a couple of stage wins and a day in the leader's jersey. We had the big money stage race in Elk Grove, IL where I was able to score a couple of big novelty checks by winning the TT and finishing on the podium. Another highlight of that race was getting kisses on the podium from the Elk Grove mayor's daughter and her friend again this year. They are 19 now and growing up so fast! I remember just last year when they were only 18 and still in high school? Yeah, I just think it's funny that the mayor has his daughter up there kissing dodgy bike racers. Anyway, though not my cup-o-java, they treat us well at Elk Grove and I hope it continues to grow.
Then it was on to the Meijer Grand Cycling Classic in Grand Rapids, MI. Our main man and sponsor Bob Hughes makes this race happen so it's important for us to perform well there (ie. WIN!!). And I don't know if you'd heard the news, but I'm a crit specialist now cuz I was able to pull off the victory ahead of a strong and savvy Jake Rytlewski in our 2 man escape. Jake the Snake is my former teammate and he is very good all-arounder. He can climb, corner, and sprint all very well so I had my work cut out for me. Because we HAD to win our home race, I was a jerk to him and made him take 2 pulls to my 1. He is going very good right now and has since placed top 5 at Downer's and Marion. Impressive for a 'little climber', huh? Oh, did I mention he is tiny on the bike and tends to kiss his stem while he rides? I was very annoyed and angry at the world for being in a break with him of all people. I pirated this photo of his site: www.breezer.org in order to show you why I was so miserable on his wheel.







Up next was the Tour of Utah this past week where we had a stage win and another podium finish on the hardest day. More importantly we animated the race that final mountain day and really put the pressure on Rock, BMC, and Type 1. Great racing Vennell, BJM, and T-Bird! That's what it's all about. Me on the other hand, was going up that final Snowbird climb on Sat. at roughly 10kph, going as hard as I could muster, cursing Burke and his "hometown race" all the way up. Thanks to all the fans along the climb who took pity on me by dumping cold water on me and giving me the occasional push. I was also helped (emotionally) by having family at the race. I got to see an aunt, uncle and cousins whom I hadn't seen in years for the TT, and a different aunt, uncle, and cousin who live SLC for the weekend races. Incredible. For those of you keeping track - I have had friends and family come to watch me/Bissell at every race this year except the Argentina race and the Tour of the Gila. Can you believe that??? How's that for a support system?!? Yep, I'm a lucky dude. I don't deny it.
Next up is the TT/RR in Greenville and a week later is the Tour of Missouri. It'll be interesting to see how well different people have managed the long season coming into these big, big races at the end of the year. I feel confident, so hopefully I've done something right. ;-)
Thanks for reading.

Cascade Happenings

Hello,
I'm here in Bend, OR for another fine edition of the Cascade Cycling Classic. If you want to read about what's going on in the race with me this week, I will be updating a blog on Wartburg College's athletic website (my alma mater): www.go-knights.net where there will be a link, or you can just go to straight to the blog they created: www.ontheroadwithtomzirbel.blogspot.com I promised I'd do a good job of updating so the pressure's on!

Fitchburg

Fitchburg has been a unique experience so far. After a 14 hr travel day due to delays and layovers, we got to our hotel 14 hours before race time. Not that I'm complaining, the J-M bros got in roughly 20 min. before the start and Vennell never even made it to the start due to cancelled flights. So after that rough start, we were greeted w misty rain and fog all day during the TT. At one point during my race, it was so foggy that I had to take off my sunglasses just to avoid the potholes and finish the course in one piece. A few hours after the race, the race organized a podium presentation at the Senior Center in Fitchburg. We ate spaghetti and homemade meatballs while listening to an accordian player. I found it very entertaining and unique. There were kids there as well, so we signed a few autographs and then they held a raffle for a couple jerseys and a bike! The little boy who won the bike was so shy that he hardly smiled while receiving his prize. But he did manage to mumble into the microphone that he'd be beating me in a few years on his new bike! It was a fun experience. The community seems excited to have us here (it IS the 50th edition of the race!) so I'm hoping the weather cooperates and caters to the viewers and fans.

Midwest Racing

They're already talking about mid-September! This was a teleconference I did about the Tour of Missouri the other day. Some of the dialogue was muddled a little in the transcript (maybe b/c I mumble at times?) but it turned out okay. I certainly didn't throw out that many "ums" and "well you know"s did I???